Throwback List: The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013

It’s time to another Throwback List dedicated to talking about the best and worst movies of each year of the 2010s. I’ll get to discussing the Best Movies of 2013 sometime shortly, but for right now, I would let to talk a bit of trash of what I believe are the Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013.

Some of these movies should’ve been good, but every single one of them couldn’t comprehend being entertaining. The fact that I purposely missed out on “classics” like Texas Chainsaw 3D, Scary Movie 5 and/or A Madea Christmas was an accomplishment that year. But what was more irritating: sitting through these movies or my entire first semester of junior year of high school? Probably the former.

With that said, let me go down the list of the ten movies that left me depressed after watching them.

Dishonorable Mentions: Paranoia, Getaway, The Counselor, Walking with Dinosaurs, The Smurfs 2, Parker, Grown Ups 2, The Big Wedding, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Pain and Gain, G.I. Joe: Retaliation

10. ‘The Hangover Part III‘ (Todd Phillips)

Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, and Ed Helms in The Hangover Part III (2013)

I’m pretty sure nobody even remembered that this actually came out. The Hangover Part III ends this comedy trilogy with the worst installment by far. Unfunny all the way through as it wastes its talents, including Zack Galifianakis, for a third film that nobody asked for after how great the original was. Just imagine me being unenthusiastic for two hours right after seeing Fast & Furious 6. Thinking about it years later, The Hangover trilogy feels just like The Matrix trilogy: One great movie, two bland sequels.

9. ‘The Purge’ (James DeMonaco)

Still photographs of

The Purge actually had an interesting premise about how in the near future holds one night a year where all crime is legal. Too bad it turned into a non-scary home invasion thriller filled with the dumbest characters onscreen. Cheap scares, wasted potential, and a film that couldn’t help out Ethan Hawke or Lena Heady on either end.

8. ‘Safe Haven’ (Lasse Hallström)

Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough in Safe Haven (2013)

Don’t like any Nicolas Sparks-based movies (that includes The Notebook), and Safe Haven is the last I’m ever going to watch anything based on his novels. Talk about a romance drama that doesn’t leave any captivating. I will give Safe Haven credit for Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel having some genuine chemistry. But it’s abysmal just for the two twists placed in here that made this worse than it started.

7. ‘The Lone Ranger’ (Gore Verbinski)

Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer in The Lone Ranger (2013)

Just at first glance, we all knew The Lone Ranger was going to be a massive disappointment from Disney. Was I let down? No, because the casting and the awful trailers made it look bad already. Also, no kids were excited about this in the first place. This summer box office bomb deserved to be a flop with SO many problems, from Armie Hammer and a miscast Johnny Depp sharing no chemistry, not being fun/entertaining or the fact that it’s 149 minutes. I wanted my $7.50 refund back after it ended. Any time somebody says The Lone Ranger is good, I can’t comprehend that opinion.

6. ‘A Good Day to Die Hard’ (John Moore)

Bruce Willis and Jai Courtney in A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

And the most disappointing movie of the entire year goes to… A Good Day to Die Hard a.k.a. “Bruce Willis Wants a Paycheck.” How can this celebrated action franchise have a fifth installment that’s headache-inducing? Well, blame director John Moore and writer Skip Woods for not understanding what makes a Die Hard movie awesome. The action is poorly directed, the villains are crap, it’s short, and there was nonexistent chemistry between John McClain and his son. So terrible that the people who trashed Live Free or Die Hard should make an apology.

5. ‘21 & Over’ (Jon Lucas and Scott Moore)

Miles Teller, Justin Chon, and Skylar Astin in 21 & Over (2013)

Some liked 21 & Over, but I was in pain with this. This college comedy tried to have fun with its premise about friendship and drinking at that special age, and it makes it obnoxious. The closest I came to leave the theater was this, but I just wanted to stay if something could make me laugh. It didn’t. Thankfully Miles Teller had The Spectacular Now to look back on later on in the year.

4. ‘R.I.P.D.’ (Robert Schwentke)

Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds in R.I.P.D. (2013)

The best thing about R.I.P.D. is that I didn’t even see it in theaters. So, that was a smart move on my end. R.I.P.D. is seriously just a rip-off of Men in Black in the worst way imaginable. Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds lack the chemistry to make this team-up work, terrible CGI and really uninspired for a movie based on a comic book. Another fantasy movie that failed to make back its budget. Maybe it was a bad idea for Universal to release this during Comic-Con weekend.

3. ‘The Host’ (Andrew Niccol)

Saoirse Ronan in The Host (2013)

The Host is perhaps the worst YA adaptation to ever come out. This adaptation of Stephenie Meyer’s book is the biggest borefest out of all the movies that came out of 2013 that had a good premise but very poorly executed forcing on a dumb love triangle and bland performances. Just call this Twilight with aliens. Anything positive? Saoirse Ronan and introducing me to Imagine Dragons. So, that’s cool. At least something like Beautiful Creatures gets a mild pass for making me care about the main characters.

2. ‘After Earth’ (M. Night Shyamalan)

Will Smith and Jaden Smith in After Earth (2013)

Another movie where I almost walked out but stayed out of stupidity, and it miserably started my summer vacation. After Earth brought down everything wrong about this sci-fi survival tale. Jaden Smith’s atrocious and wooden performance is Razzie-worthy, and Will Smith is given nothing to work with but to be an emotionless father. Not only that, this offers up a boring story, bad visual effects, cringe-worthy dialogue and showed no hope that we might not see M. Night Shyamalan direct another good movie ever again, until two years later.

1. ‘Movie 43′ (Peter Farrelly, Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Patrik Forsberg, James Gunn, Brett Ratner, Will Graham, Jonathan van Tulleken)

Kieran Culkin and Emma Stone in Movie 43 (2013)

One word: Embarrassing. Every actor and director who was involved with this attempt at “sketch comedy” was easily embarrassed to be apart of Movie 43. How did this get made in the first place? Why was this released in theaters? It’s like a total mysterious to some. Every single sketch was either offensive, dry or dreadfully unfunny. Is it considered humor to put balls on Hugh Jackman’s chin and the joke being Kate Winslet the only person to notice? Not if it isn’t funny.

This makes Freddy Got Fingered look like the Lawrence of Arabia of comedies. Not only is Movie 43 one of the worst comedies ever made, but it’s also one of the worst movies. Period. It well-deserved its Worst Picture win at the Razzies.

One thought on “Throwback List: The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s