Geostorm Review

Stand back movies that are contending to be winning Best Picture. We got ourselves a real champion that we will be talking about until the end of the year. Who would’ve thought Geostorm would take the statue?

After an unprecedented series of natural disasters threatened the planet, the world’s leaders came together to create an intricate network of satellites, “Dutch Boy”, to control the global climate and keep everyone safe. But now, something has gone wrong: the system built to protect Earth is attacking it, and it becomes a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide geostorm wipes out everything and everyone along with it.

Gerard Butler, Daniella Garcia, and Alexandra Maria Lara in Geostorm (2017)

Disaster movies really don’t do it for anybody nowadays. Because it usually has the same setup and conclusion with little to change the formula. With Geostorm, this sounded like the dumbest idea for the genre as it involves weather? Kidnapping the President of the United States? Gerard Butler as a brilliant scientist trying to save the world? So what we have here is a disaster movie mixed in with a conspiracy movie. Nobody should be surprised that Geostorm is an eye-rolling waste of time.

Dean Devlin has worked alongside with director Roland Emmerich on some of his films all the way back to Stargate. Now he makes his directorial debut by writing/directing a disaster movie with Geostorm. When I heard the premise a few years ago, it was the hilarious plot I ever heard to the point I laugh every time I hear it. Devlin had no style of trying to have fun with this story by making us give a crap about the characters or the situation. It’s even worse when he and Paul Guyot meshed all the most popular disaster movies together to create an almost two-hour flick. You know not to trust somebody who co-wrote Independence Day: Resurgence.

As much as I want to like Gerard Butler, why, oh why, can’t he be in a good movie for once in his career. It feels like hit after hit is another terrible movie that he’ll be remembered by. His character Jake Lawson built the satellite and stays in space for almost the entire movie. And if Butler can save the President twice, he can surely save the world. He has a daughter who narrates at the beginning of the movie saying,”Everyone was warned, but no one listened.” Dooley noted to not keep watching.

Geostorm (2017)

You don’t buy that Butler and Jim Sturgess are brothers for even a second since the chemistry isn’t there. And you know they’re related because Butler actually called him “little brother”. Sturgess doesn’t even give a good performance here.

All of the destruction that we wanted to see was dumb, and not in a fun way. There’s hurricanes, tornadoes, lightning storms with a bunch of cities being destructed by this satellite. None of that moment was thrilling in the slightest. And even the visual effects looked like it came from the 90s. Maybe that’s why the movie’s budget was $120 million. Or the apparent reshoots made it cost that much. Even when it’s trying to be silly, it ends up taking itself seriously. Also, there’s a countdown. So, idiotic.

Was there any positive to say about Geostorm? Abbie Cornish was at least the best one trying to give a decent performance.

Hell, there was no effort put into the score than the actual script these writers came up with that’s supposed to be “entertaining”.

Geostorm (2017)

And who’s idea was to release this after the actual hurricanes that have been happening in the real world recently. Hey, let’s watch people run away from disaster when we all know it occurs in certain states. Maybe if this came out years back when it was actually finished without the reported massive reshoots because of terrible test screening (who would blame them), it might’ve not been topical.

Geostorm is so stupid, and not to be treated as a dumb popcorn movie. By my account, this won’t make its money back making this one of 2017’s box office flops. This makes San Andreas and Into the Storm look like Interstellar. This should’ve been a movie on SyFy, but because of the talents they got for this boring mess they had to release it in theaters for no one to pay to sit through; Unless you’re drunk.

Geostorm shows to be preposterous as this is a painful disaster movie that’s predictable and silly for all the wrong reasons.

Grade: D



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