Fifty Shades Freed: Film Review

As they are about to go on their honeymoon on a private jet, Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) asked to her new husband Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), “You own this?” What kind of dumb question is that when you already know he’s rich? Why did I have to endure this? Not sure, I’m not sure. The feeling of a terrible franchise coming to an end is a joyous occasion. It’s that kind of relief when the Twilight saga finally concluded six years ago. So, after two unbearable movies that actually has its fans, Fifty Shades Freed is like rain finally coming run on a dry desert. At least this wasn’t split into two parts so we can suffer enough, right?

In the third and final chapter in the series, believing they have left behind shadowy figures from their past, newlyweds Christian and Anastasia fully embrace an inextricable connection and shared the life of luxury. But just as she steps into her role as Mrs. Grey and he relaxes into an unfamiliar stability, new threats could jeopardize their happy ending before it even begins.

Never read any of the books, but I now watched all the films that are based on E.L. James’ erotic novels and I don’t know why I do it to myself. It’s very clear that Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker are some of the worst “romantic” movies I’ve ever seen and to other people; as both ended up on my worst list of each responsive year. Some have liked these and I honestly don’t understand why because each one of them has the same problems that don’t make an improvement. Director James Foley and James’ screenwriting husband Niall Leonard returns, which doesn’t mean lick when it comes to a franchise like this. To no surprise whatsoever, Fifty Shades Freed continues the tradition of being on many worst list when the year ends.

What’s there left that hasn’t been played out before? The writing is just as terrible and the direction never had the energy to be entertaining. Each movie always has the same exact pattern that doesn’t change, even in different locations. Here’s what happens in this installment: Travel, sex, arguments, more sex, scenes with a stalker, happy ending. The plot is just the couple have sex and working on their new marriage and concerning about Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson), Ana’s former boss who’s stalking her.

I can say the one thing that made this entry somewhat entertaining, in a bad way, is that something happens. The other two only involves talking and sex, except the last one where there was a hilarious helicopter crash. Here, there’s a ridiculous car chase (also serving as a commercial for Audi r8) that seems unlikely through traffic in Seattle and ends with the couple having sex in the car. Kinky? And if that’s not enough, the last 15 minutes turns into a thriller that nobody wanted, but at least it’s kind of exciting, but not really.

The relationship between Ana and Christian is still a reminder that they are the worst couple in a movie on the basis that their chemistry isn’t there in any of these movies. They got married during the opening credits, and I thought it was gonna be the first 10 minutes. At least they got that out of the way. Dornan still gives nothing to his performance as Christian. The beautiful Johnson is truly trying her best in a performance that’s the best I’ve seen out of all these movies as Anastasia. That being said, she’s still a weak female character, and Christian is still a controlling partner when they arguing about changing her last name to “Grey”. Why doesn’t anybody understand that? They even talk about if they want to have children in the future. Can’t picture that image.

The last film actually made me unintentionally laugh. Here, it failed to be funny when it’s not supposed to. This shouldn’t be a drama where there should be a moment where it wasn’t meant to be funny.

No, the sex scenes are still not sexy, they’re awkward and boring. Every time it cuts to the two of them involving having kinky sex, it comes off as repetitive every single time in bad softcore porn approach that’s appropriate on Cinemax. The amount of times Johnson is naked all together in three of these films just makes me feel uncomfortable.

The tagline reads: “Don’t Miss the Climax”. The double entendre of this shows why everybody should miss it. The Fifty Shades marks an end to quite possibly the worst trilogy ever. The beautiful in all of this is that there are no movies from the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise. I knew this was always gonna be terrible right from the beginning. But the group of people who’ve loved all three of these movies, and I don’t care who does, won’t have a problem. Which of these is the worst out of the three? Who knows. But thank God it’s finally over. Can there be anything positive that it could possibly come out of this? At least it tried. Oh, and there’s a good Bishop Briggs song that’s associated with a movie like Fifty Shades Freed.

Fifty Shades Freed tried its hardest to be a fitting conclusion to this unforsaken trilogy, but it still failed to contribute anything worth mentioning.

Grade: F